When I was pregnant with Michael I started to feel confident that I could have a home birth for the first time. I had a midwife who would come to my home to do our checkups. I was in a season of my life where I felt much pride to say, "I do not take MY children to the doctors". That felt really nice to say that. I had a BETTER way. All my christian homeschool mom friends were encouraging me in that way. It is silent status of a homeschooler to not use doctors or vaccines, having home births, and things like that, just like when I was in the world and the status was to be up on all the medical things, listening to the advice of a doctor, and sending a child to a proper preschool. It was a great feeling to take a step outside of the norm.
The pregnancy with Mikey started out fine. For the first time I started taking all kinds of nutrients, eating really healthy, and juicing. I was doing everything I felt would be good for my baby. Because I had a terrible fall during my previous pregnancy with Megan (I was 8 months along and fell, broke my pelvis holding Molly~Molly broke her leg in the fall), I had some severe pain in my pelvic bones due to not having enough time for the bones to heal. I ended up in bed rest for the remaining part of my pregnancy. My midwife felt uneasy about my delivery so she urged me to seek medical assistance. I was so bummed out since this would have been my first home birth and I could not go through with it now that I did not have a midwife. My husband made the decision to have me seen by a doctor and to have the baby in the hospital. Home birthing was my idea, not his any how. He did not have the urgency I had to have a home birth, in fact, he was kinda nervous about it. We women have a way to convince our husbands of things that they normally would not feel comfortable with. I started labor at home and Mark drove me to the hospital. All my previous deliveries I had the epidural and the whole nine yards, but this time I felt I should try to go natural. I spent a lot of time sitting on a birthing ball rocking through the contractions. Eventually, it became time to push and there was no doctor to catch, so we were actually blessed with a very private birth. There was a nurse who caught him with Mark assisting. It was beautiful. Mikey was so perfect. The doctor showed up a little after 6 pm that he was born and remarked that our baby was perfect. I felt like they were letting us be alone mostly with our baby until one nurse came in with a clipboard and said they will need an empty stomach weight on him at midnight. Midnight? She gave strict instructions that the baby should not remain in my bed with me, he had to not be fed after 8 pm and I needed to wrap him up and place him into the wheeled baby cart beside the bed. At midnight right on the dot, I had to call the nurse to take him back for that empty stomach weight. My husband and I were so puzzled but since she seemed so intent on these instructions, we went along with it. It was really strange. I kept waking up and checking on him and he seemed to be very sleepy, but I did doze off. Right at midnight I sprung my head up as if an alarm went off and I called the nurse. I figured he would be starved by now so they should get this weight over with quickly so I can nurse my new baby boy again. They were puzzled about the empty stomach weight, as if they never heard of this order, but they did do it just in case the doctor ordered something. They wheeled him out of our dark room and I waited a long long time. I was starting to get a bit mad because I figured they were being slow and this baby is going to be so hungry. The nurse comes into the room empty handed. She starts saying she is sorry and they are doing everything they can. We were told to come out in the hall to see him one last time. What? What is happening? I was so scared, so panicked. Why is my baby dead? Was it from not eating? They had a team of doctors huddled around him trying to bring him back, little paddles on his chest. I cried "The Lord gave, the Lord has taken away, blessed be the name of the Lord." That was all I could say at the moment. I started to sing the song, "Be still My Soul", as I rocked back and forth. I knew that God was in control. Somehow, someway. Then they finally got him going again and on life support. They told us they thought it was an RH factor issue, as they wheeled him into an ambulance. I had to pack up quickly just having a baby. Mark and I drove to the next hospital together without our precious baby. The drive seemed so long and dark and lonely. We checked in to the other hospital and they told us that his heart was sadly hooked up wrong. He had to be transported by helicopter to a hospital about 2 hours south of us. His condition was called TGA (transposition of the greater arteries), which is extremely fatal. They had only figured out how to fix it in the last 10-20 years before this. What happens is the normal hole in the heart that closes after 6 hours of birthing closed but since the arteries are parallel instead of criss crossed, the blood only gets pumped back and forth to the lungs instead of to the brain and the rest of the body. So crazy. We felt that God sent a messenger to tell us to call the nurse. Normally, I would have been feeding him and co-sleeping with him in the bed. I shudder to think that if God would not have been in control, I would have thought my baby was dead because I rolled over on him!!!! That could have happened especially if I would have had him at home. I would have had him in my bed for sure and that would have been awful, to wake up next to a lifeless child thinking that it was my fault. But I praise God that He has a plan for Mikey. That He was so merciful to us. Mikey had his surgery and he is alive today because of it.
Yesterday was a very hard day, I am not going to lie. I was very scared to go through this operation again since some rare cases, the kids have a kink in the artery from the original operation. They start to complain of chest pain when they exert themselves too much and that was what Mikey was having. I was thinking about this major operation and how would I take care of him and Molly? I felt like the Lord as made me take on the role of nurse in this life, which is a blessing to be able to devote myself into as a mother. We went to the stress test where Mikey was on a tread mill connected to a bunch of sensors on his heart. He came out okay. They said it is early to tell, but that the test went okay. He is in very good shape for a lad his age. Next time we get these chest pain episodes, we are to let them know and then they will be doing a different test that will be more conclusive. We pray that he will not have to go through the surgery again, but we have always known it was a possibility. How do you ever prepare? It is very hard to see your precious children suffer from such life threatening situations that are so out of your control.
I moved Molly next to my bed for the night since she is so unstable. Last evening I was so sick. My immune system is really waned because of worry and lack of sleep. I am still trying to make cheese every day since we have a cow that gives 42 gallons of milk per week! I hope to can some of it. Our garden is in full swing so I try to keep up with all of that as well. God knows what we can handle and He must think we are made of stone. I do not feel like I am made of stone so I cry out to God for a miracle. I have been so humbled in life. I could have remained prideful about staying away from the hospital, but God brought me to a place where we have to depend on it for the life of our children. I am now very thankful that modern medicine and the hand of God have come together to keep my precious children alive. Every minute is so precious to me. I never know what tomorrow will bring but I do know one thing, that God is in control either way. I will do my best to care for my children as best I can, but it takes the Miracle of the Lord to restore them to perfection. One day I have hope in heaven. I hope in new life, life without the tears, or fears, or long nights of worry. I long for the day my children have a new body that doesn't break. Until then, we will do what we can and be thankful for each moment we have together as a whole unbroken family. Thank you all who have dedicated yourselves unto prayer for our family. We intend on staying strong in the Lord, faithful to the end. We may get slowed down a bit, but we will be stronger because of our trials. More Glory to God!