"She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life." Proverbs 31:12
What is Good? By definition...
- that which is morally right; righteousness
- benefit or advantage to someone or something
How do we DO GOOD and NOT EVIL to our husbands?
- Being kind to him... even if he seems cross with you
- Encouraging him in his strengths... not pointing out his shortcomings
- Smiling at him and being friendly towards him... not cold and distant
- Praying for him daily... not talking badly about him to others
- Seeking to please him... not seeking your way all the time
- Finding ways to help him... not nagging him about all that he needs to do for you
- Making meals or lunches for him... not forgetting to feed your man
- Making the home a haven of rest when he returns home from work... not a messy, loud home filled with chaos
- Spending money wisely... not impulsively or wastefully
- Teaching the children to honor him by our actions... not talking down at him or questioning him in front of the children
- Planning ahead... not springing things upon him at the last minute
- Being his biggest fan... not his biggest critic
- Appreciating the things he does for you... not disregarding his efforts
- Allowing him the grace to grow... not forcing him to change for you
- Being patient with him... not placing unreasonable expectations on him
- Being trustworthy... not sharing his secrets or failings with others
- Being willingly affectionate to him (intimacy)... not withholding
I know some of you out there have horrible marriages and can not find the strength to do good to someone who you find hard to like. You read the list above and say, "Why doesn't my husband do these good things for me?" If we treated everyone the way we are treated, this world would fall apart. The trick is to do Good and Not EVIL all the days of his life. God is not giving you a guarantee that your life will be better if you do Good, He is telling you to DO GOOD. Sometimes we just need to do what is right because it is the better way. God's ways are better than our ways.
For example, as we follow Christ's teachings we can see how he handles doing good...
Matthew Chapter 5, verses...
38 Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth:
39 But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.
40 And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloke also.
41 And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain.
42 Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away.
43 Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.
44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.
46 For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?
47 And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?
48 Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.
- Good for Good
- Evil for Evil
- Evil for Good
- Good for Evil
The first two examples are the most common.
Good for Good...
Everyone likes to return good for good. Your husband was good to you so you will be kind in return. Easy. That is normal and very good. Even gangsters in the ghetto who murder and steal can return good for good. They are good to one another. They will die for each other. It does not take a righteous human to return good for good.
Evil for Evil...
This one is also easy. Your husband was short with you so it is only right that you react in a short, nasty manner. It feels right and good. It makes sense. Like a little child will say after slapping another child "But, he hit me first!!!!" It starts from early in life and is completely normal human nature to get someone back. An "eye for an eye" has been practiced all throughout history. This is how wars start and there is nothing ever solved through this practice. When my kids return evil for evil, which they do, I cringe.
Two wrongs NEVER make a right. Even if one started it, the whole thing just gets uglier after the other one fights back. I know it makes perfect sense to react to your husband by the way he treats you, but it won't end well. It never will. I would like to add that it is very childish to behave that way. You may sound more grown up with the vocabulary you have learned, but the same bickering back and forth is as immature as a couple of little kids fighting over the last piece of cake. Stop that!
Evil for Good...
This one is LOW DOWN. It happens all too often. I see it in my children as well. One of my children could be coloring a pretty picture to give to the other child who says "That picture is ugly! I do not want it!!" That is evil for good. The child was trying to do a good thing and was treated horrible in return. Bullies are good at this. They love to see others hurting. They marvel in how they can tear others down who are doing something good. Some women treat their husband horribly evil even though their husbands work all day to provide for their family and remain faithful to her. She just thinks of herself and does not care how she comes across to her husband. Likewise, husbands can return evil for good to their own wife. Even though their wife was working hard all day to please him, he will point out all that she failed to do. Husbands and wives are good at this and it is LOW DOWN.
Good for Evil...
This is the most rare because it does not make sense. The rest of society will say that we are weak if we are good to someone when they are bad to us. Instead I say it is Godly. Sometimes we can win the other's heart with our kindness, goodness, and love toward them when they surely do not deserve it. This is how God loves us.
"But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8
Again, if there is abuse (follow my Link to read more on how to handle real abuse) going on, the right thing to do is to get immediate help as I am not saying you need to be good to a husband who is abusing you or your children. I am just talking about in general how we treat our husbands because they are not perfect as we are not perfect.
Doing Good and not Evil all the days of his life may seem very hard for you today but it is easy if you look at it in a different way. Through Christ's sacrifice. If we are believers, we want to be more like Christ in all areas of our lives. If Christ could be so good to us even though we have either done a lot wrong in our lives, or forgot Him altogether, why not try learning the art of doing good to our husband today. Seek out ways to do him good and not evil. If nothing else, start by praying daily for him and for your marriage.
Here is my prayer today: "Thank you Lord for giving us a husband. Thank you for all that they do to provide for their families. Bless them today and keep them safe if they are away from home. Help us encourage them in all their strengths and be a warm welcoming spirit towards them. Make this a special day for our marriage, one that is filled with hope and grace. Help heal any broken relationships that may be out there today and give them a miracle. The miracle of your divine love. Thank you for attending our prayer, in Jesus precious name, Amen!"